Been Too Long!

Well I guess I already screwed over my New Year’s resolution of writing once every week on here… but I swear it was for a good reason! And anyway, I’m writing now… so that’s all that matters.

So the reason: I was at my brother’s for the past week! He recently had major neck surgery so I went over to his and my sister-in-law Wendy’s house to help them out. She had to return to work the next day of the night I arrived and my brother isn’t allowed to lift anything over 5lbs, or bend over, or move his neck side to side… or really at all, so they needed help and I went over without being asked because they’re my family and they’ve helped my mother and I out more times than I can count.

So that’s where I was and I was more than happy to go over. The bad part and why I’m actually able to write this now? I’m sick. I woke up at 12 this afternoon at my brothers unable to swallow with a massive headache and I could barely talk. My brother when he first saw me said I was so pale and immediately needed to go home because, and I quote, “When you’re sick all you want to do is be home in your own bed and get better.” Which is true, and I guess it was better I left because with him trying to recover the last thing he needs is me getting him sick. But it just sucks. I wanted to do so much more for them and now I can’t. Hopefully I’ll feel better in a few days and could go back over.

So that’s been my exciting life for the past almost two weeks. There really isn’t much new, other than my sister-in-law (she’s more like my sister so I really need to just call her that) Wendy found an amazing lemon pepper chicken recipe online and I made that  while I was there for dinner and oh my God… it was SO DELICIOUS. I’m definitely going to try to get to the store next week if I feel better to get a chicken for my mother and I and make it for her because it seriously was so good. I actually pinned the website I found it on to my Pinterest. If you’re interested, you can see the recipe here. If you have a crock pot and the spices needed, go make this tomorrow for dinner. You will NOT be disappointed!!


Mechanically Separated… What??

You know what makes me sick? The fact that the FDA allows some foods to be sold on the market.

Ever heard of Slim Jims? They used to be a favorite snack food of mine. Key word there: used. And this literally happened overnight. I was watching a tv show last night after I had consumed my remaining Slim Jims when I decided (and now deeply regret) to read the ingredients considering I never have before.

First thing that catches my eye would be the words “mechanically separated chicken.” Now I have no idea what this means, but the words mechanically and chicken in the same sentence in my head just do not go right together. So.. I decide to google this. Worst decision ever.

The first link that comes up leads me to this wiki page: I read the entire first paragraph before I seriously felt I was going to and feel as if I am still going to vomit. Here’s an excerpt: “The process entails pureeing or grinding the carcass left after the manual removal of meat from the bones and then forcing the slurry through a sieve under pressure. This puree included bone, bone marrow, skin, nerves, blood vessels in addition to the scraps of meat remaining on the bones. The resulting product is a blend of muscle (meat) and other tissues not generally considered meat.” Yeah… gonna go vomit.

Many, many years ago I stopped eating hot dogs because I was told they were made up of much of the same stuff. It was, however, never really explained in that much detail to me. I am disgusted, not to mention appalled I just ate and have eaten that shit many times before. And yes, I call it shit because that’s what it is.

People, and especially my boyfriend have told me that Taco Bell is more or less the same way. That what they say is taco meat really isn’t meat. I believe it now more than ever and can attest I will never eat anything like that again.

We take a lot of things and people for granted in life. We expect things of people and companies, etc, and we seem to be really let down, but in all honesty, the fault is ours. If we took more time, myself included, at the grocery store to look at what we are really buying I’m positive that we wouldn’t purchase maybe 50% of it. At least, I know I wouldn’t. And also if we did more research about what we are really putting into our mouths I think the American people in general would be a lot healthier.

So from now on I’m definitely going to double check everything I buy, whether it be things I have always bought or something new. Because what I read was absolutely disgusting and I’m seriously so nauseated I ever ate that crap.

A Dream Realized

I’ve finally figured out what I’m going to do with my life. It won’t be able to happen right away and it will take a lot of time and saving up a lot of money but I’m definitely going to do it. I am so excited. First step: Getting my health taken care of, getting another job and then moving to Michigan with my boyfriend. Gotta start somewhere right? And what better way than to set goals for yourself. I am so excited.

That paragraph above is a Facebook status I wrote a few days ago. I wrote it because I’ve finally realize what I honestly want to do with my life, and that is work with animals. But more specifically, I want to raise and breed Siberian Huskies and open a small animal shelter on the side. I want to be the person who people bring stray animals to and I’ll raise them until I can find them a permanent home.

I know this will take money and a house and all of that stuff, but it really is what I want to do. And anyway, if I can get this started eventually, I can maybe start getting donations so I can keep it up and maybe even make it bigger into an actual shelter. Which would be amazing. But anyway, yep, that’s my dream.

I also wouldn’t mind opening up a little pet shop on the side as well. I like to crochet and sew, so maybe I could make pet beds and other kinds of useful things you could use for your pet. I have so many ideas… I just literally need somewhere to start. I need to start saving money. Maybe I could get donations somehow.

I hope my dream can come true some day. I’d love to open this entire thing up with my boyfriend whenever I’m able to move to Michigan. I’ve always wanted to do something with animals, I just hope I’m able to get to the point where I can help save the ones that need saving.

A New Year Begins…

So I’ve decided I definitely need to write more, and its the New Year… so why not make it a resolution along with the many other things I seriously need to do. And there are a ton of things that I have spent way too much time ignoring and just being lazy about that I need to do.

1) I definitely, as I just previously said, need to write more. Whether that be my many fanfictions I have forgotten about and not finished, my novel that I started and also have left to be forgotten too, or my schooling that definitely needs to get finished. The facts are: I need to write more, and I will, using this blog to write at least once every week to motivate me. I WILL write, I have to. Plus, its therapeutic.

2) As stated in 1, I seriously need to finish my schooling. It’s been almost eight years; there are no excuses anymore and for the most part that’s the only reason it isn’t done. So before January 1st next year, I will have most, if not all of my schooling finished.

3) I need to uphold my end of my New Year’s resolution that my boyfriend Jason and I made together. I love him with all my heart and I want to be with him until my dying day, and for that to happen, I need to work on myself and the stuff him and I discussed together.

4) I need to get my ass down to Richmond and see the doctor’s that I now have coverage for. Yes, that takes money to do but somehow I have to do it and get medical help because I’m not getting any healthier and this is important.

5) Once I hopefully get my health in at least a stable position, I need to work on getting another job. I love working, especially waitressing and I really need to take that step again.

6) This follows alongside #5, once I am able to work and get a stable job, I need to start saving money and putting it away and NOT touching it. I want a life with my boyfriend and I want to move to Michigan. That is my ultimate goal and to do that, I need money. So time to save, save, save!

So for now, those are my resolutions that I definitely have to work on and GET FINISHED. None of them will be easy, I know that, but that’s life and life is never easy. If it was, it definitely wouldn’t be life but that’s the adventure of it. That’s what makes it worth it.

I hope you all (if anyone even reads this,) has a wonderful day and a very happy, health, and prosperous New Year!

Insomnia Is A Jerk

I really need to write more. Maybe I’ll start. Maybe I should stop lying… because I always say I need to blog more (which honestly is true…), but I never do (which would be the lie.) I honestly have things to talk about though, or at least, that I feel like writing about. And Lord, I haven’t written since October of 2012, so its not like I can say nothing has happened in my life that I have nothing to write about… in fact, a TON of things have happened. Funny how life changes so drastically, even in as little as 7 months.

I guess I’ll start with the not-so-obvious, and probably not-so-need-to-know, but.. I’m not a virgin anymore. Its actually weird to write that and admit that, but I guess I needed to write it. Sex is an important part of life to me, and by important I mean… I literally waited 25 years before I “did the deed” and found the right person for me. I honestly don’t understand how people can sleep with so many different people. Sex is such an intimate act, even if you’re not necessarily making love and are just “fucking.” Its STILL intimate. That person sees you naked, you’re about as vulnerable as you ever will be. Maybe I’m too emotional. Maybe that’s a bad thing, or maybe, just maybe as I’d like to see it, its a good thing because that’s what makes me… me. So I’m proud to say I waited 25 years before I did. Its almost been a years since I first did, too… wow time flies. Okayyyyyy, next subject..

I’m a server! Or.. well, I was… kinda am? Yeah. Back in January I was hired at Buffalo Wild Wings.. and I honestly loved it! But a lot of shit, to be blunt, happened, and I ended up quitting in April because going into work crying every day, knowing your managers are talking shit behind your back… just isn’t the way you want to go into work. So yeah, I quit and disappeared for two weeks and went to Michigan to be with my boyfriend, of whom I’ll elaborate on (kinda!) in a few minutes. But when I came home from Michigan, I applied to Cracker Barrel and am now a server there. I actually started two weeks ago… and haven’t even gone through server training yet because soon as I got done with orientation training, I took very ill with one of the worst upper respiratory infections (although I swear I’ve had walking pneumonia and my ER here where I live are a bunch of loons) I’ve ever had. I have a Drs. note until Monday, and then I return back to work for training. I seriously feel so bad. These people JUST hired me… I worked three days and haven’t been back since, but they’ve been so nice.. my trainer, ETC, called me yesterday to see how I was feeling and I couldn’t stop apologizing but she was so nice. I still feel terrible though. I know I can’t help getting sick but yeah.. not the best way to start off a new job.

So… the boyfriend. Well, if you know me at all in any way, shape, or form on a personal or even somewhat personal level, you’ll know I’ve talked about a guy named Jason before. He and I have A LOT of history, almost 9 years worth… and well, we’re finally together. Actually just officially passed our first month anniversary! I’ve seriously never been happier. You know when you’re a kid (and by “kid” I mean teenager) you’re all “omg I found the love of my life” etc etc etc… and 90% of the time it doesn’t work (kudo’s to the highschool sweethearts still going strong, though!!)? Well, I was like that. I seriously thought at 13 I had found the love of my life. And don’t get me wrong, I DID love the guy, for as long as ten years, too… but that love and that experience was nothing like how it is and how I feel with/towards Jason. Its amazing. I’m seriously head-over-heels in love with this man. *mushy sigh*

So… that’s basically been my life for the past 7 months. Oh, I suppose you can add in there a ton of lung/respiratory shit going on. And I have no idea what’s wrong with me. But illness and sickness talk is depressing and this has turned out to be a somewhat happy/mushy… okay, more-so mushy post so I’ll keep it at that. Hey, it’s better than depressing! And no one ever reads my posts anyway, so..

Until another day…


Everything you say makes me wanna stay
But everything you’ve done makes me wanna run, run, run

I’ve made the decision that I can’t be with you,
Walkin’ out the door, but I already miss you,
Thinking bout how I used to kiss you,
I’m getting butterflies, I’m getting butterflies.

I’ve made the decision that I’m too good for you,
Then I see you calling, it’s hard to ignore you.
Try to be strong, but, babe, I adore you,
I’m getting butterflies, I’m getting butterflies.
-Lana Del Rey – Butterflies

So basically.. I’m a wreck, haha. Ever get to the point where you’re not sure how much more you can literally take? Whether it be physically, emotionally, or mentally? Or maybe all three? I’m there. I’m at my breaking point and I just.. don’t know how much more I can take. Or how much more my heart can take..

I’ve decided to use this blog as an actual blog to write with, as I said in my previous post. I don’t think my posts will make much sense at first, and to be honest.. thats okay with me because nothing in my head or heart really makes sense anymore. I’m just hoping that writing helps me and maybe even opens me back up to actually writing my novel. So.. we’ll see.

Butterflies… Part II

I’m gettin’ butterflies

So I’ve decided to turn my facebook-shop-blog into a regular blog so I have somewhere to type thoughts and shit cause honestly.. typing thoughts and shit is what I need right now as a release otherwise I’m gonna go more downhill than I already am. Some of these posts may obviously be private to which regular people cannot read.. but I don’t think anyone even reads my blog anyway, so.. blah.

So yeah, just wanted to update my main page and say the look, name, etc of it will be changing shortly.